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To be critiques by NotenSMSK

Literary Favs by AbstractDr3ams


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Submitted on
November 26, 2012
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like birds,
we sat on
tree branches
of our own lives,
singing to please
others before
ourselves.

wherever
they flew,
we simply followed
mindlessly,
believing in desired
freedom and no
limits.

while others
sang of joy,
we preferred a more
mellow tune;
from our lips
we called out a sorrowful
melody that only
a few number could
understand.

a tragic end,
we faced together.

i saw you fall,
ever so gracefully,
to your death;

but before i could
mourn,
it was my turn to fall.

my world turned
cold and all my
nightmares were
alive.

at least now,
we're at ease
and together.
I... I don't know. Just random spill of words, I guess?
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:icontheeemmykay:
TheeEmmyKay Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, this is beautiful and tragic. And I'm a sucker for bird metaphors so you had me at the first stanza.
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:iconbloody-magpies:
bloody-magpies Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013
Aw thanks!
Reply
:iconblackfootlady:
BlackFootLady Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I loved this poem you have a natural nack
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:iconbloody-magpies:
bloody-magpies Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
Thank you so much
Reply
:icontiganusi:
tiganusi Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Professional
Like it all save for the last three lines--

"at least now,
we're at ease
and together."

--which seem maybe a lot weaker than the rest.
Reply
:iconbloody-magpies:
bloody-magpies Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
Alright, thank you. ♥
Reply
:icontickersymbol:
tickersymbol Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Keep the words spilling...very well done. This moved deeply.
Reply
:iconbloody-magpies:
bloody-magpies Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
Thank you so much.
Reply
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